Stoos Views

Jimmah’s One Sided Prayers

Copyright (c) 2009 William Kevin Stoos

Recently, Jimmah Carter, arguably the worst President in history, who brought us:

• Blindfolded American hostages paraded before the world press by a rogue regime in Iran (whose current president, of course, was one of the hostage takers);

• Helicopters crashing in the desert, and eight brave young Americans dying in the sand during an ill-conceived, abortive rescue mission which became symbolic of the Carter presidency;

• Oppressive home mortgage interest rates as high as twenty-one percent (21%);

• Billy Beer—a cheap swill shamelessly hawked by Jimmah’s brother Billy, who embarrassed the county and the president with inane TV commercials and half-sober interviews with the press,

and who distinguished himself by becoming the only President in recent history to openly and shamelessly criticizing a sitting President, went on another of his famous (and ineffectual) trips to bring peace to the Middle East. Why the Israelis would trust Jimmah—whose organization has accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars from the Arab lobby and who considers Hamas and Hezbollah “Freedom Fighters”—God only knows.

Jimmah’s pro-Arab inclination was never more evident than during a recent interview with a certain ProBama cable channel reporter which I happened to hear on the news one evening on the way home from work.  The reporter asked Jimmah:  “What are the prospects for peace in the Middle East?”  The former President replied:  “There is a lot of pessimism in the Middle East right now.” When the reporter pressed Jimmah as to what can be done to bring peace to the Middle East, Jimmah responded: ”We are praying for the end to the Israeli settlements….” Period. Now, of course, I waited with bated breath for him to finish what I expected to be a complete thought—you know, some symmetrical, diplomatic response to sort of round out the interview and show the slightest semblance of balance. But alas, it never came.

You know…the rest of the sentence like: “We are praying for an end to the Israeli settlements… and that Hamas and Hezbollah will stop arming themselves with thousands of missiles purchased from the Bazalt weapons works in Russia with Iranian funding.”

Or, perhaps even:  “We are praying for and end to the Israeli settlements… and that Hamas and Hezbollah will change their charters which call for the destruction of Israel and decry all efforts at negotiations with Israel as foolishness.”

Yeah, something like that. But, not so surprisingly, Jimmah—who has become an unapologetic shill for the radical Arab lobby—just cannot bring himself to pray for an end to the violence perpetuated against this tiny island of democracy and our only true friend in the Middle East. Nope, if only Israel would stop the settlements, all will be well in the Middle East. Forget about the three thousand missiles purchased by the terrorist groups who Jimmah champions and are sworn to destroy Israel. Forget about the Iranian President who continually denies the Holocaust and who threatens Israel with nuclear annihilation. We need not worry about them or pray that they have a change of heart.

Jimmah has become irrelevant, shrill, and incredible. Until he prays for true peace, and for real change on both sides of the dispute, his one-sided prayers are hollow, his words as dry and lifeless as the desert sand.

Obamalympics 2016: President Kicks off Presidential Campaign in Copenhagen

Copyright © 2009 William Kevin Stoos

             Ignoring less important matters like our troops fighting and dying in Afghanistan, the Iranian nuclear threat, and other such matters, the Vacationer in Chief, Barack Obama, has announced plans to travel to Copenhagen to persuade the International Olympic Committee to choose Chicago as the site of the 2016 Summer Games. Traveling with him on the President’s 53rd vacation overseas since assuming the presidency, will be Stoos Views’ Chief White House correspondent and most trusted name in journalism–Hugh Betcha. Summoned to the White House for a private meeting with the President, Hugh interviewed Obama in the Oval Office about their upcoming trip.

             “Is it unusual for a sitting President to meet with the Olympic Committee to sell a site for the Olympics, Mr. President?” Betcha–famous for the hard hitting yet fair and balanced approach to presidential interviews that has made him the most trusted name in news–asked the President.

             “Well, certainly it is a first. But, with these dire economic times, we can sure use a boost to the economy. And if anyone can sell Chicago, it is I,” he exclaimed. “Who better than I to sell this as an Olympic site? I am not only President of the United States, but the most beloved leader in the world. I could sell ice to Eskimos–just like I sold the country on my candidacy. There is no question I can sell Chicago as the next site for the Olympics.”

             “Aren’t there more important issues facing the country right now?” Betcha inquired.

             “Well, there certainly are other issues, but, as President, I must prioritize these things. Afghanistan can wait awhile–it will still be there when I get back. Yeah, my generals asked for more troops, and suggested we will lose the war without them, but I need to take my time and think about that one. Getting away from it all, will help clear my mind. And that little S.O.B. in Iran firing off those missiles…well, they don’t have a long enough range to hit the United States as yet, so I am not worried about him just now. I plan to issue a very stern statement just as soon as I get back. I have not had a foreign trip for about two weeks now and I need a break.”

             Asked who is going to accompany him on the trip, Obama replied: “Well, my wife and kids of course–they are my goodwill ambassadors if you will. And some assorted movie stars, former Olympic athletes, and a couple of consultants.”

             “Consultants? Who?”

             “Oh, Senator Burris and others.”

             “Like who?” the reporter pressed him.

             “Well, Blagojevich for one. He is out of work right now.”

             “Why them?” Betcha asked, incredulous.

             “Well, they will be “coordinating” with some lower level Olympic bureaucrats–sort of liaisons if you know what I mean,” said the President as he rubbed his index finger and thumb together. “And they will be handing out some advertising and promotional items to the Olympic functionaries with whom we will be meeting,” Obama said, as he opened a box next to his desk and pulled out some promotional items, including red, white and blue tee shirts and bumper stickers labeled “OBAMALYMPICS 2016,”  “SUMMER GAMES, 2016–CHICAGO–HOME OF BARACK OBAMA.” “ACORN will handle the marketing of Olympic Souvenirs and Obamamemorabilia. Bill Ayers will be attending as my Special Consultant on Security Against Terrorism.”

             Asked by the reporter whether the trip had any political implications, the President smiled wryly: “Of course not. Although I do admit that the Committee will announce during my presidency and in advance of the 2012 election, this trip has nothing to do with that. I am going strictly to promote the United States. That I am going with my family at taxpayer expense in order to bring the Olympics to Chicago, will generate worldwide publicity, get my face in front of the world wide press once again, and look like a hero if I pull this off, is purely coincidental.  Besides, I cannot run again in 2016 anyway can I? Unless, of course, I were to stack the Court with a couple more justices and they were to declare the term limits imposed by the Twenty Second Amendment unconstitutional and I could run again–you know, something weird like that.  But that would be the farthest thing from my mind.”

Copyright (c) 2009 By William Kevin Stoos  Monday, September 7, 2009

In the forests of New England
It built a colony,
And, dreaming of a nation
Where men could dare live free
It paused to wipe its sweaty brow
And set forth then to build
A place where freedom’s promise
Could be, in time, fulfilled.

And labor drove the wagons on
A westward odyssey,
Then turned the rolling prairie land
Into a golden sea;
Labor built the railroads
That spurred us in our quest
And by a steel highway bound
The east coast to the west.

And that selfsame hardy spirit
Of those pioneering men
Which never once did stop to rest
Rolled up its sleeves again,
And built a million factories,
Transformed the land pristine
And forged the greatest industry
The world had ever seen.

Through our patchwork quilt of history,
There runs a common strand:
‘Twas the selfless, rugged toil
That built this blessed land.
And lest we e’er forget them,
I raise my humble pen
In tribute to the builders—
The common working men.

It was not the labor unions
Or any corporation,
Or economic theory
That built the greatest nation;
Or master politician
Who ever had a plan—
But the simple sweat and toil of
The common working man.
(For while dreamers pen their visions
Of how things ought to be,
It is the noble builder who
Makes dreams reality.)

And for this nation’s builders
Who’ve long since gone away,
And those whose honest toil
Sustains us still today,
We should be ever thankful—
And reverent of their lot…

For no dream was built more nobly than
This land their labors wrought.

By William Kevin Stoos  Tuesday, September 1, 2009

—Satire—

Senator Harry Reid, fresh from trashing the most influential newspaper in Nevada—telling them that he “hopes they go out of business,” [sic], did what all smart politicians in Washington do when they are in trouble: they call the most respected name in journalism—Stoos Views’ own, Hugh Betcha. Hugh, Chief Political Correspondent for the Stoos Views media conglomerate and journalist who commands the respect of politicians of all stripes, responded to a frantic call from Senator Reid last evening, beckoning the reporter to a hastily arranged meeting with the Senator at his Washington, D.C. office.

After a long flight from the lush prairie of South Dakota—God’s country—to the center of political intrigue and corruption, Hugh alighted from the luxurious Senate jet dispatched by Senator Reid to convey the reporter to D.C. There he was met by a luxurious Senate stretch limo driven by a Senate limo driver, sent to transport him to the Senator’s luxurious Senate office suite.

As he entered the Senator’s office, Hugh was met with a handshake and a rather unorthodox greeting, by a grinning Reid: “Hey, you no good son of a #####!” Whereupon the Senator slapped him on the back and invited the puzzled reporter to sit down.

“Only kidding!” Reid remarked as he sat down in his overstuffed chair. Good to see you, Reid began.

“Thanks for the opportunity,” replied Betcha as he took out his reporter’s notepad to scribble a few notes. “About your remark that you hoped the Las Vegas Review-Journal goes out of business,” Betcha began, “don’t you think that was a little over the top?”

“Geeze, you stupid bastard, you know what a kidder I am, don’t you?” laughed Reid, slapping his knee. “Just kidding, of course! I know you are not stupid!”

After a quizzical look from the reporter, Reid explained: “See how things can be misinterpreted? I just called you a no good sumbitch and a stupid bastard and you thought I was serious. You know I was just joshing you—I have a dry wit you know—sometimes people just don’t get the joke. Everyone knows what a card I am…life of the party and all that. You oughta see me with a lampshade on my head! No, I was simply joking with that newspaper guy—everyone knows that!”

“Well…” the reporter replied, before he was rudely interrupted by the Senator again.

“…like you know, the other day I was in the President’s office joking around and I called him an incompetent socialist bastard who is spending money like a drunken sailor and how dare he try to impose his will on the Senate, and we laughed till we cried…”

“But…” the reporter said before being interrupted again.

“…or the other night, I was in Pelosi’s office talking to her about some legislation and just for the fun of it called her a power hungry, femi-NAZI, who may be third in line for succession to the presidency, but has an IQ ten points higher than a toaster and I just cracked up everyone in the room.”

When asked about his chances for reelection to the Senate in the next election, Reid replied, jokingly, “If those dumb bastards in Nevada don’t have enough sense to vote for me, then there is no hope for them….just kidding! Don’t print that!” exclaimed the Senator, laughing out loud. “The voters in Nevada know me and love me and I will be a shoo-in for Senator next time. After all, I am the most powerful and funniest Senator ever elected by the people of Nevada. They appreciate my wit and wisdom, even if that stupid excuse for a newspaper does not. Only kidding! “

After an hour or so of such funny banter from the Senator, Hugh excused himself from the Senator’s presence to head back to the beautiful wilds of South Dakota. As he left the Senator’s office, he bid the surprised Senator goodbye:

“Thanks for your time, you no good, milktoast, grumpy, free spending, power hungry, unfunny, Obama butt kissing, radical socialist, corrupt old curmudgeon who does not have a ghost of a chance being re-elected to the Senate again in this lifetime,” Hugh said on the way out the door.

“What???” the confused Senator asked, mouth agape.

“Only kidding!”